I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
