hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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