I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
