It was confusing and full of hummus
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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