When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
