At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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