I cannot find my penis.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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