Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
