3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
