Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
