So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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