the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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