I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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