he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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