Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
