ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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