Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
pray to the hookup gods
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
