Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
