...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
