Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
