Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
