you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
