I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
