I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
