ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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