i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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