You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
