and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize