I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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