I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
