well I can't set my house on fire every night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
