Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
