May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
