I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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