the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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