Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
