My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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