this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize