I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
