dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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