Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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