Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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