You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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