we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
