I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
