I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
