I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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