if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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