At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
