fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
