were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How's work?
Spinning.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
