if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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