note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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