I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
