Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i would punch a child for taco bell
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
