Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize