i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
