my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this boner is exhausting
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
