smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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