It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
