Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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