so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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