thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
