We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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